I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
