yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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