i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
