If i come over, it means nothing
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
