can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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