The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize