Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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