Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
