I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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