Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
