did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
