You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
