I wanna bring you to show and tell
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Floor bacon is actually really good
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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