Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
