it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize