Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize