First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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