Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
