Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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