i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
