Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
