sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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