Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
