Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
