one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
