I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
