worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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