he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
