Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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