Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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