So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
