Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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