Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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