and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
