i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
