I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize