i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
