so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
