seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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