Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
