It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize