White coat. Heels.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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