You can't special order awesome
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
