Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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