I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
