i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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