the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
