Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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