im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How does one acquire holy water?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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