Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
