Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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