A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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