Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
