I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize