we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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