we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
