dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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