If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
