So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
