i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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