have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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