Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
