I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
