Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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