Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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