i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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