he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
