Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize