Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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