yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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